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OUR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE: 12 THINGS WE LEARNED IN 12 MONTHS

First Year of Marriage



1. It is weird to have titles. It was weird talking about my husband for the first few months in conversation. I felt like I stumbled over the word on numerous occasions. It was easy calling him my boyfriend because moving from friends to boyfriend is an easy step to progress to. What’s more fun is being able to say my wife in Borat’s voice.

2. You might get a pet. It took one week. One full week after saying our I Do’s and moving to Texas before we discussed and proceeded to find our dog, Colt. Now, I’m pushing to discuss the possibility of another addition to the family (a kitty). We still haven’t gone on our honeymoon, but we got a puppy!

3. The topic of children comes up more frequently. It mostly comes up from friends and co-workers, but I’m happy that our family isn’t pushing the subject. At this point the subject is unwanted and unnecessary and, also, unsolicited. When my husband and I do bring it up, it is mostly like “Oh, I never want my child to be raised like that,” or “I bet you would have our child doing that.” These conversations are usually based on our television and movie selections.

4. Deciding on dinner becomes a chore. We are really good on taking the time to plan dinners and lunches for the week. However, when we both decide that we would like to go out to eat, it seems very tedious to name off different restaurants or think about what we’re in the mood for.

5. Every month is a celebration. Yes, we celebrate our monthly milestones. Are we part of the group of disgusting couples? Probably. Do I care? Nah. We usually go out to dinner and order dessert or Zack surprises me with flowers. We keep this up because it gives us a day to remember that we got married and we are happy and in love.

6. It is easier to keep finances separate. We have not combined any of our finances at this point. I have many years built up of organizing my own finances and I don’t want to become disorganized all at once. I have added him as an authorized user on a couple of my credit cards in order to help his credit score.

7. My significant other is not my “other half”. Contrary to all the quotes about how “they complete me” or “they are my missing puzzle piece,” my husband is not. We are two wholes that live and work together on our lives. I am whole. He is whole. We have decided to join our two whole lives together into something more significant than being separate. We make each other better because we strive to be better in all aspects.

8. Fighting is not an option. Or not the best option. I could yell and scream all I want, but it would do nothing to fix a problem. We do not fight as in we do not yell at the top of our lungs at each other over little things. Don’t get me wrong, we do bicker to the point of irritation with each other, but it passes quickly. We both realize that fighting is not an option and try to choose a different path.

9. Patience is a necessity. I will be the first to admit that my patience wears thin often. I forget that my spouse has needs and some days I don’t have the patience for him. Or some days I only think about myself. Zack has a lot of patience with me and respect and love him for that. I know that I need to work on this quality. Both of our patience wears thin with the focus of taking care of the puppy.

10. Communication is important for friendship. I will also be the first to admit that communication is not my strong suit. I try, but I only have a limited amount of energy in a day. Often is leads to me not having enough energy for my husband after a long day of work. There are days when I won’t shut up and then there are days that I am completely stuck in my own head.

11. We don’t have to define our roles. For some people it may be helpful to define who does what chores around the house. We have taken the appropriate split of responsibilities. We decide to clean together and we tackle different portions. For example, if he cooks, I try to wash the dishes. Or if I clean the toilet, he will clean the shower. This makes cleaning a lot easier and we get done a lot quicker.

12. Living together is so much fun. We did not live together before we were married. Of course, our situation was a little quick because of a cross-country move, but neither of us were frightened. We drove our belonging 16 hours, signed a lease then moved in the same day. I am living with my friend and it is fun managing a household together and experiencing all the mundane and crazy bits of our lives together.



48 thoughts on “OUR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE: 12 THINGS WE LEARNED IN 12 MONTHS”

  • Congratulations on your first year anniversary! At this point, every thing is still a learning process. I am happy though that you have learned a lot in a year! I like #6 and #7. Keeping finances separate is not being selfish. It is just a way to avoid arguments in the future. You know how it is when it comes to money and spending. If you have your own money, you can feel free to spend and not feel guilty about rocking the budget. I like the way you said that you are both whole. That is so true. You don’t go into a marriage being only half the person you are and waiting to be “completed” by your spouse.

  • Awww congrats you guys! It’s great that you don’t see each other as you “other half” I had this issue in another relationship. I love how you’ve phrased that point. Resonated with me a lot!

  • I have to admit the first year can be a challenge. Keeping the finances seperate for a bit is a great tip, we did this and it helped a lot.

  • Congrats on your anniversary! it sounds like both of you have good control over your marriage. I am getting married next year so its always nice to know how married couples do it.

  • Congrats on your anniversary!! My hubs and I are on a year and a half so a lot of your points really resonate with me! Especially that it is easier to keep finances separate!! That is exactly what we have done and it works for us too!

  • There are a lot of good things here. I am just not sure about the not fighting thing. I am not saying that I should want to fight. I am just thinking that looking at fights as an opportunity to communicate with my spouse. It will teach me to relate and thinking about learning things from a new perspective.

  • Congratulations on your first anniversary! Marriage is such a big learning experience for couples and yes, it does not come with a guide book or a “how to” reference guide. It is love that motivates you to keep growing in the relationship. Wishing you more and more years of married bliss!

  • It’s so wonderful to celebrate all the little moments and big milestones. We have been married for 8 years and it has been a wonderful experience. Its great youre learning more about each other and about life in the meantime.

  • For us, it was easier to combine our finances. That way there was no “you pay this and I’ll pay that”. One couple = one account. Plus, his money is my money anyways.

    • Lol, I just felt like I had built up such a good system for my own that I didn’t want to have to keep track of his spending, too :p

  • Congrats on your first anniversary! You learn so much during that first year. My daughter and her husband just celebrated their first anniversary. Time sure does fly by!

  • Congratulations on your first anniversary! There is always a learning curve when you get married. You are used to doing it your way and he’s used to doing it his way and you have to learn how to do it together. It looks like you guys are doing great

  • I love this! Congratulations on a year. They say the first one is the hardest because of all the changes. I agree, my husband is not my other half.He is a whole other person who happens to be my best friend and my partner in the crime of raising these 2 children of ours. MOst importantly, he is the one person I always love, even when I hate the rest of the world. We don’t “fight” either, we bicker but we also hash things out right away, we never let them sit and fester because that never works. I’d rather a little discomfort now with a disagreement that we talk out face-to-face than a huge blow up later that leads to a divorce. I tell him we bicker because we care. If we didn’t care that would be way worse!

    • Thank you! I feel like mine were especially hard because we moved across the country as well. We bicker because we care, too!

  • You have definitely learned a lot! It is NOT easy being married, but it is worth it. My husband died when I was only 43…just shy of our 22 anniversary. We did fight just like couples do…especially when kids come along….but you just have to figure it is a lifelong thing when you go into it! I don’t ask anymore about when someone is going to have a baby because you don’t know what they’re going through. They might be trying and not succeeding. Compromise and prayer can get you through a lot. Happy Anniversary!

  • Congratulations on making it through your first year of marriage. There are definitely lots of things to celebrate and learn from in your first year.

  • Congratulations on your first year anniversary! Being in a relationship, there’s always new things to learn and discover and with marriage I can only imagine all the new life lessons you’d discover.

  • How time flies we’ll be hitting the lucky 13 years of marriage ourselves this fall. 12 months is a distant memory 🙂
    You are spot on with your point about “Patience is a necessity.” Congrats on your first year and wishing you many more happy anniversaries.

  • Congratulations on your first anniversary! That’s is something to really celebrate (hope you did!)
    While I am not marrying, I am soon living together with my boyfriend, and I think these tips are relatable even for me!

  • Aw congratulations on your first year of marriage I am so pleased for you, you are wonderful and have a kind heart. How could anyone resist that? Also your pet dog Colt is so cute x

  • It’s a big deal being called a wife after you’ve heard girlfriend, but the way you explained has so much great to offer in a relationship. I really like the 12 things you’ve said. I hope your relationship keeps going better always.

  • Happy One year anniversary! My husband and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage next month, and it is crazy how much our relationship has evolved. The first year was about us finding our flow as a couple and unit. Of course we stumbled, and then had to change things around again once kids come along. But always keeping in mind respect, love and that this is your best friend will take the marriage far!

  • Congrats on one year of marriage! I love learning what people learn during different milestones in their life! Makes me excited and helps me prepare for what is to come!

  • Congratulations on your first year of marriage! You definitely learn so much in that first year! But don’t worry, figuring out dinner will be a chore that you can count on for your entire relationship 😉

  • Communication is the key to a long and healthy marriage. You have made it through the toughest part of the marriage, but there will be times when things come up that you will need to talk about, It won’t always be easy, but it is something that you will have to do. Otherwise, it will eat away at the trust that is key to a good relationship.

  • Happy anniversary! Communication is a key, I’ve been married to my husband for more than 7 years. Still going strong!

  • First, congratulations on your first year anniversary! I’m not married but I always hear from my married friends that it’s the hardest year to get through but you guys did. 😀

  • Congratulations on your first anniversary 🙂 loved all the points you mentioned here but few are my favorite- My significant other is not my “other half”and We don’t have to define our roles. this is really great 🙂

  • The first year of marriage is the beginning of adjustments, in time, budgeting money, doing household chores and being with your hubby. it’s the start of getting to know each other deeply. It would be harder if you’re living with the in-laws.

  • This was such a nice thing to read! Congrats on your 1st year. Some say that it can be the hardest. My husband and I are coming up on 6 years of marriage and we still enjoy each others company, so I would say we are doing pretty well!

  • Congrats on one year of marriage. I love how you said your husband is not your other half but that you are two wholes. Communication is number one in any relationship I believe. Thanks for sharing these 12 things you have learned in the 12 months.

  • Happy 1 Year anniversary! I laughed so hard at the very first thing you said. I through out “My husband” as often as I can! My mom would always say “OK WE KNOW YOURE MARRIED NOW!! ” LOL

  • It sounds like you guys are doing it right. They say the hardest year of a marriage is the first one. I say the first year is easy, It’s when kids come into the picture that it gets hard, the focus shifts from your relationship to them. But after kids, you run on a different kind of love, an unconditional love for the people you’ve created together.

  • Marriage is not a walk in the park but it’s a lovely journey shared with a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. These are all lovely lessons to learn during your first year of marriage. Here’s to more years!

  • Congratulations on your first year anniversary! Marriage is a learning experience for both husband and wife. Always remember, marriage is not a route you take to “change” your spouse. It is a promise to acknowledge and accept his/her uniqueness. Wishing you more happiness in the years to come!

  • Congratulations on your one year anniversary! What a beautiful list. I especially loved the thought that fighting isn’t an option. My husband and I do this too .. and instead talk things through. It truly has made all the difference and it’s nice to know we’ll have a peaceful home x

  • I am not surprised that the talk about children is more frequent, I personally think that marriage more or less equals children because it is better to be married if a pair wants to have children because of the legal and tax issues.

  • Congratulations on getting married! Marriage is certainly a learning experience and to be honest, the learning and growing never stops. Here’s to many more years!

  • Congrats on your one year anniversary. When you get married people always expect you to pop out babies immediately. What if couples just want to enjoy one another. What if they never want kids, society acts like that isn’t allowed.

  • Congratulations on your first year of marriage. You learn so much about each other then don’t you. It can be a great time to enjoy each others company and maybe travel a little if you can.

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